Tuesday, January 26, 2021


Originally written on November 10, 2003 at 12:30 am in a low rent college apartment while Adult Swim plays in the background.

I have had an epiphany, or at least it could become an epiphany. I have previously realized that reality, or our perception of it, can be altered and is altered by technicalities. My own experience with this is a relatively low blood sugar level. I have most recently become conscious of the ability to consciously do this. I know some who use external chemicals to "free their minds" from the socially normal way of thinking. One can simply do this using one's own will and discipline.

Some may ask 'why would you want to do this'. I believe that there is a singular individual person inside of everyone. This may not be very apparent due to problems with linguistics. To explain: I believe that language is a way of organizing our thoughts. Nobody is linguistically perfect, because language is not based on its own perfection. It exists on scales of relativity. We have individual and original thoughts, but these thoughts are warped twice every time they are explained to whoever is not the individual who created them. The first, is when the thought is consciously organized. The second, is when it is proclaimed through some medium.

Back to the thesis:

There is a singular person in everybody. This person is expected to conform. One's own self can not survive by conforming for the sake of conformity. Conformity isn't always what people think it is. True conformity is altering one's self in order to be the same as a group larger than two. This is (as was said by Emerson or Thoreau [I have a hard time differentiating these individualists]) that conformity is suicide. Non-conformity is just as dangerous. There are many facets of the human psyche that are similar among it's members. This similarity exists so we can function together, share, and celebrate our individual selves. Jus because a certain aspect of you is the same as others do not change it for that fact alone.

Once again, back to the singular person in all of us:

I asked why would one want to consciously change their perception of reality. It may not be what best suits them. I know this from first hand experiences. I have, at times, found myself frantically trying to occupy my mind. I was looking to try other's methods. This was my problem. We may not be viewing the world that best suits our own selves. Society may have conformed us or we may have conformed ourselves. The latter was true with me. I saw patterns in language and life. I tried to apply these patterns to the rest of myself. This does not work because whether my recognition or perception of the pattern may or may not be perfect, the application of the pattern, which is based on language, is doomed to fail. This should not imply that language itself is doomed to fail. Language serves it's purpose when used singularly. An individual applies a thought to language in a certain way. This certain way may not, and probably will not, be applicable to another thought.

I am trying to entirely realize that I should stop trying to think properly. My style is not to see the exterior by itself. I see the exterior as a consequence of the interior or essence of something. I find it much more soothing and natural to look past things and instead look into them. I can then and only then see the symbiosis of things. It is almost like the lesson learned in watching "Patch Adams". When you hold two fingers you should see four out of focus fingers.


Originally written on August 9, 2003 at 9:00 pm after getting home from a vacation at the beach and meeting an eccentric girl.

Focus, attention, concentration, and existence itself can all be altered. All that is needed are two people. It is passion to look into the face of such beauty and have every and anything that is not between our two bodies cease to matter and even exist.


Originally written on March 3, 2003 at 1:30 pm while recuperating from a night of drinking and going to sleep at 5:30 am.

I am becoming more and more aware of the interconnectedness of it all. A sociologist may say that individuals come out of society, but I say that societies come out of individuals. I have been taught and told that humans got rid of their instincts long ago. This is why socialization is so important to them. To them, a human that was not ever socialized is simply a creature without any sense of self. For me, the individual comes first and has to. How can you have a connection between people without first having persons?

When on e looks at it this way, as society as a product of individuals, there is no need for the most basic norms and calls to conformity. The individual would not conform to society. Society would conform to the individual.

There is a beautiful harmony about it all. It all acts so beautifully together. Everywhere and everything is just so full. Everything living and non-living alike is constantly rubbing shoulders with each other. There are so many connections and inter-connections. I say connection and not dependencies. If a bird drink from a lake it is not dependent as it could always drink from another lake if the first would disappear. Another reason I refrain from using dependence, and perhaps more importantly, dependence places power and control in particular and reserved areas. This destroys the quality and value of it all. One does not talk about dependence when one speaks about a couple dancing or 2 notes being played in harmony. I look at nature and society with the same eye that I use to look at dancers and musicians.


Originally written on March 26, 2003 at 11:00 pm among friends while watching a live Linkin Park concert on television.

If you want to talk about intense and extraordinary feelings and concepts, you have to listen and pay attention. These are the times which define ordinary times as being ordinary.

One of the beautiful things about life are the people who make you feel alive.


 Originally written on March 19, 2003 at 10:45 am over a cup of coffee.

If variety is the spice of life, then spontaneity is the hot sauce.